--FSU has adopted a new "Honor System": "Yes your Honor, No your Honor."

--Q:A Seminole, a Hurricane, and a Cornhusker are all in the same car. Who's driving?

A:The sheriff.

--Q. What did the Seminoles do to help their defense?

A. Hired Johnny Cochrane --12 signs you're a Vol fan:

#12 Every Halloween pumpkin in your neighborhood has got more teeth than your wife.

#11 You have one house that is mobile and four cars that aren't.

#10 You have the word "howdy" in your answering machine message.

#9 Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

#8 The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

#7 Your Dad walks you to school, because he is in the same grade.

#6 You have a complete set of salad bowls that say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

#5 Your uncle and your brother are the same person.

#4 Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

#3 All of your children's stuffed animals were stuffed by you.

#2 Your wife has told you, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

#1 You are wearing bright orange clothes every day of the week: Saturday-for the "big" game, Sunday- huntin' in the woods, and Monday thru Friday- workin' on the road crew helping to pick up trash!!

--A football player from FSU, a player from Univ. of Tennessee, and a player from Florida all committed horrible crimes and were sentenced to death. They were all scheduled to be executed on the same day. When it came time for the execution, the executioner spoke to all three of them and said, "Hey, I'm not such a bad guy and to show you how nice I am, I'm going to grant you one final request. The FSU player said, "Great! I would like to hear the sound of all 55,000 fans at Doak Campbell Stadium chanting the war chant just one more time." The executioner said, "Okay, I have a tape recording of that and before I pull the switch I'll play it for you." The player from Univ. of Tennessee said, "Ya know, that sounds good. I would like to hear all 107,000 Vol fans singing 'Rocky Top' just one more time." The executioner said, "That can be arranged. I have a tape recording of that, too. And you, Gator, what's your request?" And the Gator replied, "Kill me first."

--Q:What's long and hard on a Bama fan?

A:First grade

--Q:What does an Alabama cheerleader and a dog have in common?

A:They both lick their paws

--Q:Why did the Chicken cross the road.

A:To get to the ACC

--Q:What do you calll 100,000 Tennessee fans getting together.

A:A family reunion

--A man walks into a store, goes to a clerk and says, "I would like the brightest orange shirt, pants, shoes, and hat that you have." The clerk asked the man if he was a Tennessee fan. He said, "yea how did you know? The color combination?" Clerk says, "nope this is a hardware store."

--Albert Einstein went to a party and began asking people their I.Q.s. After the first guy responded, "150". Einstein said, "Great, we can talk about nuclear fission." After a girl responded "125", he said "Great, we can talk about the angle of the Earth's axis." After a plump, toothless guy answered, "31 and half," Einstein merely said, "How bout them vols!"

--One day, an FSU player and a Tennessee player were at a bar. The Vol asked the Seminole what FSU stood for. The FSU player replied, "Florida Stomped Us." Then he asked the Vol what UT meant. The UT player told him, "Us Too."

--A guy walks up to another and asks "did you hear the one about the guy from Tennessee"? The other guy says "Hey, I'm from Tennessee". The first guy says "Oh, that's OK, I'll talk real slow".

--Q:Why did Phil Fulmer ask Peyton Manning to be one of his pall-bearers?

A:Because he wanted Peyton to let him down one last time!

--Q:What has 200,000 feet and 4 teeth?

A:Neyland stadium on game day.

--A Knoxville area mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the trade. He walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Thinking he had learned enough to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its rectum. Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard "RockyTop" begin to play. Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the cadaver and ran up the stairs to find his mentor. "Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just experienced something I can't believe." Annoyed by the naivete of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs. "There, look at the cork in the rectum of that body...". The experienced mortician stopped the intern before he could continue by removing the cork and allowing Rocky Top" to once again play. "Son," he said, "you're new to this area, but this doesn't surprise me. I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song."

--Q:How do you stop a Nole from masturbating.

A:Paint his dick orange and blue and he can?t beat it for years.

--There were a Seminole and a Gator using the bathroom at the mall. Well, the Seminole starts to wash his hands,and the Gator starts to leave. The Seminole says, You must be from U.F because at f.s.u they teach us to wash our hands.The Gator turns around and says, "Yeah well, at U.F they teach us not to piss on ourselves."

--Q:What do you get when you put an FSU diploma in your car window?

A:To park in handicapped parking spots.

--Bobby Bowden and Steve Spurrier were driving around one night and just by chance, their paths crossed and they crashed. When he gets to "Coach's Row" in Heaven, Bobby looks in wonder at the garnet and gold house he is given, and even though it is small, he figures it's not so bad because he lives between such coaches as Knute Rockne and Bear Bryant. Then he looks down the street and sees a giant orange and blue mansion. It was the beautiful house Bobby had ever seen but he didn't understand why there were Gator flags on top and everyone was singing "We are the boys of old Florida." So Bobby asks Knute, "Hey, Knute why does Steve Spurrier get such a fine, big house and I get such a small house?" Knute looks at him and says "Oh that's not Steve's house, Steve survived the crash, THATS GOD'S HOUSE!!"

--Three men were walking along the beach. Seeing a bottle, they stopped and all rubbed the bottle, hoping to clean it. All of a sudden, a big puff of smoke came up and a genie popped out. Seeing three men, the genie granted each one a single wish. The first one to go was a Miami fan. He commented that he wanted the beach in Miami to be clean forever. He enjoyed walks on the beach and never wanted this polluted. Poof, the genie made the beach both protected and pristine forever. Second came our friend from F$U. He said that Tallahassee was such a beautiful town. He too loved the city and did not want it polluted. He requested a wall constructed so that nothing could get in or get out. Poof, wall constructed, city protected. Next up, a man from UF. He asked the genie, "That wall in Tallahassee, nothing can get in or get out?" Genie: "That is correct." UF: "Okay; fill it with water." Poof, wish granted.